Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Mark Anthony's LiveJournal:

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Friday, November 27th, 2009
12:15 am	release chicago RELEASE release. release that which has waited for far too long. on this night in this time at this moment. you must realize that we weave through life as simply and as strangely as rain drops over a field of green. dripping, trickling, and flooding over with emotion or hope. release. unravel. unleash. this touch, so subtle. so swift. before this i was unknown, unwanted, and unnoticed. but in this moment i am exactly where i was always meant to be. release. repose. settle in. tonight...please make this kiss so brilliant, so gentle...so sweet, i'll die of it. we'll love each other until there is nothing left for the rest. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
6:01 pm	PIXIES pixies; aragon ballroom, chicago pixies; aragon ballroom, chicago nothing else to say. still recovering...ha ha ~ (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 20th, 2009
2:42 am	4 years marta; chicago 4 YEARS 4 years...strange. still feeling the love. still feeling the luck. i mean, it's different. sure. when i was younger there was this tune called "space age love song". i hardly remember the melody, but some reason when i look at her, it somehow comes to mind. funny. right before i snapped this shot i said, "you should never have your picture taken with alcohol in your hand!" she quickly tucked the glass of wine behind herself as we just simply started to laugh. we sat down, enjoyed the view...and didn't say much for the next 15 minutes or so. we didn't have to. the quiet comfort after the laughter said it all. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 15th, 2009
12:05 pm	land escape milwaukee art museum; WI LAND ESCAPE i mostly wander around. always have. it's amazing i've made it this far. when i was a kid i'd get sent out to the yard to pull weeds and end up looking for four leaf clovers. my mind is more apt to focus in on the moment than to think about the future or the past. i might know for sure if this is working for me, but i can't remember what's happened and i cannot see what will be. fucking has always been the most perfect waste of time for me. and sleeping is a close 2nd. everything else is just a path to getting back to bed. with or without my lover. i stand up. cross the room. reach in to the fridge for a glass of milk. i wonder what happened to lara botinelli. and i KNOW what happened to elise geiger. amy tuesday too. none of them are here now, and it's all for the better. i sip my milk. it is quiet. only the sound of the refrigerator humming. every day people die for nothing. the same ways they have lived. the rich, the poor, the beautiful, and the ugly continue to need each other in order to feed their hate. and although santa clause doesn't exist i certainly wish he did. he represents all that ever made sense to me, minus the jolly red suit, of course. i wander back to bed and dream of four leaf clovers as the rest of the world makes their way to work. it's a wonder any of us make it anywhere...the view goes on and on. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 19th, 2009
12:00 am	thoughts at 1248am south haven, MI THOUGHTS AT 1248AM the next time you think of me consider that i am just a man like any other man. the way one man exists on survival through desire, well guided intentions and misguided results. sometimes i drink too much and sometimes i drink entirely too little. i've been to bed with hundreds of women, most of whom remained good friends for many, many years. i have a hard time sleeping in february, i never liked hollywood movies, and i love being lost in new cities... i may have pounded the daylights out of r. giles in the 7th grade, but i cried like a baby when my oldest cat finally died. i despise traffic even more than the humans trapped there. heroes are eventually found out. and isn't it dreadful when they finally are. the next ten people you pass on the street will have more secrets than you. or perhaps a few less... and the next time i think of you i'll consider that you've got perhaps more desire than love. but more love than hope. and somewhere in there we're bound to find something that can linger when everything we struggle against slips mysteriously away. (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 20th, 2009
11:18 pm	did somebody say "fuck it"? DID SOMEBODY SAY "FUCK IT"? ...and the sleeping people are asleep once more as you trickle out in to the night. curious, but not hungry. enlightened but not bored. ready, yet still not quite sure. in a moment, you may wonder if there is anyone out there who thinks quite like you. but then you figure there must be many...and the ones who don't can't be bothered over anyhow. you laugh about absurdity and catch up with your friends as the city burns. burns with curiosity. burns with hunger. buzzes with boredom. and as you lift the glass you are damn well sure that no one does it quite like you. and even if they did, somehow it wouldn't be the same. "fuck it" you finally think to yourself, "i'm just a little nuts - but hey, that's A-OK" and before you know it the night is in full swing. you're glad to be out there and you're glad when that bartender floats you another drink. you're glad to not be mel gibson. glad to not be your neighbor. glad to not be anyone but you, and damn glad that life can be lived while you are living instead of dying. "traffic jams are for suckers" i've often thought. and every once in a while it's ok to slap yourself in the head and yell "oh fuck, not again!" because you know that even if you're not quite ready, you're still pretty damn sure. and THAT plus a couple of bucks is still more than enough to get you on the bus... (17 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
1:20 am	excerpt 8/12/09 EXCERPT FROM MY PERSONAL JOURNAL: LETTERS TO EVELYN evelyn; chicago 8/12/09 – 109am ~ It must be fascinating living life for the first time. I can only imagine and wonder how I was when I was your age. Watching you experience so many things for the very first time. From jumping on the bed (one of your favorite pastimes), to watching the sun set – or in your case, the moon. For example – we tend to believe that life just goes on and on. It certainly feels that way when you are living it. Sometimes it drags, sometimes it goes too, too fast…and sometimes it just seems to BE. But all in all, we tend to believe that the things we love and experience will and should always be there for us. You are so fascinated by the moon, that now, when I see a full moon, I always rush to show you the fullness and beauty of it. It mostly makes you laugh and squeal – but in many ways, I wonder just WHAT it is that is so exciting about it for you…?? And yet, as YOU grow older, those full moons will continue. So much so, that you may think you see them all the time. But most people: how often will they sit and REALLY enjoy that full moon. 10 times? 20? It all seems so limitless. Family. Love. And yet at some point, it all comes to an end. Usually long before we wish it would. I guess I’m just saying that I hope you always have the same enthusiasm you show today. That crazy squeal when on the rides at Kiddie Land, or watching home videos, the moon, stars, and CRANES – which you STILL love – ha ha. The way you bounce and scream when you see me, or jump on the bed, or when we walk to the park – it’s amazing. And yet even though it seems limitless, please continue to enjoy those moments as long as you live. Really take time to think about how much you enjoy it too. And be sure you spend time with people who love these things just as much as you. It’s important. Trust me…you will realize this again and again in your life. (18 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 26th, 2009
2:29 pm	evelyn & me; millennium park, chicago my wish, of course, is that she would never have to grow up...! she's far too cool and good for this world. (11 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 25th, 2009
9:39 pm	silver linings and rainbows somewhere close to earth SILVER LININGS AND RAINBOWS you know you've lived well if things were really as great as you remember them. for some people, there have always been silver linings in their misery, and just winning once in their lifetime can bring them to their knees in tears. i know. i've seen it. some have managed to somehow get it right all along. and watching these rare specimens is like listening to a master symphony. all the right crescendos and all the right drops. fascinating. for me: there have been a lot of silver linings and even more misery. but hell...those silver linings were also sprinkled with a lot of perfume and beautiful, long legs. something that always kept people wondering. so life presses on. i see more and more of the same. but i'm always looking to the sky. often, my eyes fixed on the horizon. wondering. wondering how things got to be the way they are. for me. for others. and the others who keep on coming. listen to 99 out of 100 songs. they're always about love or the lack of it. and that 100th song...i can never understand the lyrics, but hell - i'm sure it's probably about crazy love too. someone pour me a drink. the sun is setting once again. and look at that odd rainbow making its way around the bend. you know you've lived well if things were really as great as you remember them. and even if they weren't, best to keep those memories close to heart. they'll be the things that pull you through when the silver linings eventually run dry... (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
8:20 pm	bad day chicago BAD DAY ...so. i have had nothing but angry dreams the past few nights. so much so that it's actually made me quite angry even today. all day. i was sour. foul. short fused, and tired. i got at least 3 angry phone calls by 11am. then i realized at least 4 different things which are going to severely affect my life in the short term. on the way home this afternoon, a very large old woman with a sleevless shirt leaned in to me the whole way. she was grunting and smelly, and by the time i stepped off the el, my whole left side smelled like her. flabby and sick. i see strange faces every where i turn. in my waking life and in sleep. in my dreams i'm often scared, lost, or both. and in my waking life i'm just mostly lost. there are at least 165 days till new year's eve. so resolutions at this point may be fruitless. tonight, i stare out the window...and type a few words now and then. the ice cream man just rolled by and i hope he's having a better day than me. tap tap tap i type these few words and then i'm back to the window. one of the neighbors is walking their dog. tap tap tap then i go to the fridge for a sip of milk. i used to live downtown but now i live uptown. and you may be tempted to reach me here but please don't. i'll be back downtown again soon. i'll be sure to buy you a drink when i return. until then, just keep wishing me well. send your prayers too. we can all use them now and then, even if we don't have reasons to believe. (22 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, June 12th, 2009
1:43 pm	chicago 12/21/12 when they come for us, it won't matter who is who, what is what, or where you are. it'll be quick. quick and easy. it won't matter who you voted for, what you eat, or anything you've ever argued about on a thursday night. when they come for us it'll be faster than a jack rabbit under a bush...and more violent than your sickest dream. when they come for us, best to be ready. and if you don't believe in GOD, you best be right. you don't get second chances when that cloud rolls in. you'll get exactly what you had coming to you all along. and my guess is if you believe in GOD, you'll be glad you ever did. because some place in the cosmos we'll find ourselves just sailing and sailing away as the next great thing comes gently floating in...GOD too. he'll just breathe and say "seeeee?? told you so." and won't that be grand... (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 1st, 2009
8:44 pm	alone some of the time out of town ALONE SOME OF THE TIME when you live alone you can do really wonderful things. like listen to your favorite song over and over all day long. just program it in and *ZAM* you are in your own musical heaven created solely and purposefully for you. when you are alone, you can do strangely interesting things... like carry an entire conversation out loud with yourself as you walk around picking up dirty clothes and wiping down the counter tops. you may even come up with solutions that you could not otherwise solve while sitting in traffic, or worrying about some lover coming or going. the endless arguments that pervade your lover-filled afternoons. when i met lisa, her shimmering blonde hair was only outshined by the 40k wedding ring on her finger. it sparkled in the morning sunlight as i took her from behind, her hands grasping the pillow...the cats just watching on. she had an ass like a maserati...maybe better. i used to think it was funny. nailing a young and beautifully confused blonde bombshell from the suburbs. but as i look back on it, i hesitate to think about it all... "i love your little place here in the city. high above it all", she'd say before taking herself away...back to the parking garage and off down the expressway to the man paying the bills. he even came looking for me once. i was able to calm him down enough to realize that i was not his problem. "look in the mirror before you come looking for me", i said, "then ask your wonderful wife what the hell the problems are." "i swear if you ever go near my wife again i'll kill you, myself." he said. that was the last i'd heard from either of them. i believed him. and although she could bring any man to his knees, better him than me. so there i was again. alone at home. and the same old prospects that milled around before she'd arrived. when you live alone, it's easy to be nothing but. because when the new ones or the old ones leave through the door, you're all you've got. crazy shit happens when you both least and most expect it. i loved my little place in the city. high above it all. but as i look back, i hesitate to think about it at all. being alone has its glory and agony just the same. sipping coffee alone is something i'll never miss. the endless club-hopping too. the beat-beat-bump of the hazy, black nights. i do miss those long afternoons of musical bliss though. and taking a long look in the mirror, showered and ready, before heading back out in to the night. try it some time. for 10 yrs or so... and let me know how it works out for you. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 30th, 2009
11:05 am	easy does it earth EASY DOES IT it never ends. so why bother fighting it. best to roll with the punches. or better yet, just look the other way. something good is bound to happen just like something bad is sure to follow. who cares. unless of course you are running late and something is standing in your way. but even then, fuck it. will it matter tomorrow if you are late for a meeting, a party, or for work? the world will just keeps pressing on. which makes me think that everything that is going on, late or early, is happening just when it should. make ups. break ups. water to wine. the other day i missed my train. but the next one got me where i was going just the same... it's all the same. it's all the same. my sister phoned to tell me that her vet says her cat has developed allergies... even the weird stuff is weird because it's supposed to be. when we discover that nothing matters unless we MAKE it matter, we'll be happier to let things go when they are just about to ruin our day. take it easy. because when you don't take it easy, is it really better for you anyways??? exactly... (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
11:08 pm	where the pimps roll 320am, uptown lounge; chicago WHERE THE PIMPS ROLL i don't know where all the pimps have gone, but i know where ONE of them is. i mean, there's something to be said about a city which allows pimps to roam freely among the civilian population. i used to see mr. white folks at jilly's back in the day. every now and then he'd even venture in to retro... "who those girls you be sippin' wit?" he once asked me, "damn. every one of them would look good in my stable." i just laughed...told him i wasn't a pimp. "damn boy. you sure roll like one. watch your back" he said, "i be breathing down yo-neck." i just laughed again and offered him a drink. of course, he turned me down because...well - pimps only accept free drinks from the bartenders. and even then, they'll lay down a $20 tip for the kindness in return. now i've stumbled upon this little chicago gem. the uptown pimp. white suit. red suit. gold suit. pimpin' hats. pimpin' the silver and gold chains, and the pimpin' high heels. yeah - i don't know where all the pimps have gone. but when you see ONE rolling with the civilians at 320am, your damn well glad to know they're still around. pimpin' and playin' and lookin for da hozzz... just once i wanna be a pimp. just chill out all night while the bitches bring me ma-money... ha ha ha ha ha (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 14th, 2009
11:00 pm	photo contest - RESULTS!!! OK - it was verrrry difficult. but i've decided on these two images: ~ AND ~ i continue to edit - and if there is a way to figure/insert the other 3 images i really liked, i'll do it. but right now, these two images fit best with the writing. THANK YOU again for the 15 or so ppl who submitted stuff over to me. i hope to do this again, only more extensive next time! everyone have a lovely friday and a superb weekend. thank you all again ~ mark40e (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 2nd, 2009
6:07 pm	bitches and dickheads don't ask; earth BITCHES AND DICKHEADS ...and to tell you the truth, i don't mind it if a girl is a bitch as long as she is half as intelligent as she is hot. and i'm not talking about some girl who's memorized a bunch of one liner talking points. i'm talking about a girl who has common sense, and at least a mild grasp of political, world, and sports history to frame her references. i remember in the original rocky movie, adrienne said that her mother had told her, "you better develop your mind because you don't have much of a body." and to this, rocky replied that his father had told him, "you don't have much of a brain so you better learn how to use your body." he went on to conclude that he was dumb and that adrienne was shy, so somehow they'd make the perfect couple. men and women need to recognize each other's strengths while not penalizing each other's weaknesses. the same goes for everybody else. neighbors. dog walkers. co-workers and friends. but to tell you another truth, this is a difficult task. we're all so wrapped up in our own wants and NEEDS, that we forget that other people have them too. i try harder than hell to walk that line. but godammit if i don't fuck up once in a while. i suppose that this is what keeps the flower shops in business and the liquor stores stocked. but for God's sake: girls...please stop the bitching. and guys...please stop being such dicks. there's nothing worse than a dickhead who is more selfish than cool. in my opinion, that's even worse than an ugly bitch. and there's almost NOTHING worse than an ugly bitch who hasn't got a clue. and before you condemn me for saying so, stop. breathe. and realize you know JUST what i mean. (24 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
10:18 pm	IMAGE/PHOTO CONTEST RESULTS! OK! sorry it took me a while to get to this...and thank you - THANK YOU to the people who submitted images/photos for my humble contest. again, i will choose two images for the book i will have released some time this summer: Nights of Whiskey & Roses Volume II: Chicago by Night Here are my favs...I had about 15 submissions - still need to choose TWO: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5) i'm leaning toward #'s 4 & 5...but am still editing and seeing what will work with the flow. THANK YOU AGAIN! i'll be able to choose two within a week or so, once i finish the last edits...just tightening up the writing and layout for "chapters". thank you-thank you. mark40e (21 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
9:46 pm	an entry from my coming summer release of Nights of Whiskey and Roses: Chicago by Night ~ WE WERE we were naked and we were drunk. stumbling through life. we kissed and made passionate love through the days and nights. they said, "look at them. those lost souls..." and we laughed and laughed and could only make more love through the days and nights of our lives (as we knew it). a collection of vagabond types with questionable futures. we swore blood brothers, kissing the girls all the way, professing undying love for life, through the stormy weather and hungover sunday mornings... we were young. and we were out of control. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
8:23 pm	sunshine of youth chicago SUNSHINE OF YOUTH when we first had our tastes of alcohol, we were 14 going on 15. not very dramatic, unless you count the time jeff beutel stole his dad's miller light and was grounded long enough for us to eventually forget about him. adults seemed like aliens to us. people to fear when we weren't laughing at them...because being young solved every problem those adults were warning us about. and sunshine was just as valuable to us as night. this girl named ellen ruled our world. she was 15 going on 25, with breasts to prove it. she ran circles around us as we did everything we could to slide her in to one of our hormone crazed beds. here was a girl: old enough to dance the night away, and young enough to say fuck it...even when it mattered. but especially when it didn't. years have pressed on since then. just as they should. and with time has come knowledge...with all the sweet sorrow to go with it - ha ha. ellen is just a memory these days. although she eventually broke one of my friends hearts back in the day. i ran in to him a few weeks back. he was drinking 3 times as much as then, and just as nuts. i asked him if he ever thought of ellen... "a lot," he said. and we sipped our drinks well in to the night as we remembered those nights when adulthood was only for adults. and being young seemed like the only thing you'd ever want to be. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 6th, 2009
5:01 pm	me, after about 4 hours of night, photo courtesy of jennifer; chicago i'm only complicated on the inside... (8 Comments |Comment on this)