Nights of Whiskey and Roses
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Mark Anthony's LiveJournal:
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| Friday, June 26th, 2009 | | 2:29 pm |
 evelyn & me; millennium park, chicago my wish, of course, is that she would never have to grow up...! she's far too cool and good for this world. | | Thursday, June 25th, 2009 | | 9:39 pm |
silver linings and rainbows
 somewhere close to earth SILVER LININGS AND RAINBOWS you know you've lived well if things were really as great as you remember them. for some people, there have always been silver linings in their misery, and just winning once in their lifetime can bring them to their knees in tears. i know. i've seen it. some have managed to somehow get it right all along. and watching these rare specimens is like listening to a master symphony. all the right crescendos and all the right drops. fascinating. for me: there have been a lot of silver linings and even more misery. but hell...those silver linings were also sprinkled with a lot of perfume and beautiful, long legs. something that always kept people wondering. so life presses on. i see more and more of the same. but i'm always looking to the sky. often, my eyes fixed on the horizon. wondering. wondering how things got to be the way they are. for me. for others. and the others who keep on coming. listen to 99 out of 100 songs. they're always about love or the lack of it. and that 100th song...i can never understand the lyrics, but hell - i'm sure it's probably about crazy love too. someone pour me a drink. the sun is setting once again. and look at that odd rainbow making its way around the bend. you know you've lived well if things were really as great as you remember them. and even if they weren't, best to keep those memories close to heart. they'll be the things that pull you through when the silver linings eventually run dry... | | Wednesday, June 17th, 2009 | | 8:20 pm |
bad day
 chicago BAD DAY ...so. i have had nothing but angry dreams the past few nights. so much so that it's actually made me quite angry even today. all day. i was sour. foul. short fused, and tired. i got at least 3 angry phone calls by 11am. then i realized at least 4 different things which are going to severely affect my life in the short term. on the way home this afternoon, a very large old woman with a sleevless shirt leaned in to me the whole way. she was grunting and smelly, and by the time i stepped off the el, my whole left side smelled like her. flabby and sick. i see strange faces every where i turn. in my waking life and in sleep. in my dreams i'm often scared, lost, or both. and in my waking life i'm just mostly lost. there are at least 165 days till new year's eve. so resolutions at this point may be fruitless. tonight, i stare out the window...and type a few words now and then. the ice cream man just rolled by and i hope he's having a better day than me. tap tap tap i type these few words and then i'm back to the window. one of the neighbors is walking their dog. tap tap tap then i go to the fridge for a sip of milk. i used to live downtown but now i live uptown. and you may be tempted to reach me here but please don't. i'll be back downtown again soon. i'll be sure to buy you a drink when i return. until then, just keep wishing me well. send your prayers too. we can all use them now and then, even if we don't have reasons to believe. | | Friday, June 12th, 2009 | | 1:43 pm |
 chicago 12/21/12 when they come for us, it won't matter who is who, what is what, or where you are. it'll be quick. quick and easy. it won't matter who you voted for, what you eat, or anything you've ever argued about on a thursday night. when they come for us it'll be faster than a jack rabbit under a bush...and more violent than your sickest dream. when they come for us, best to be ready. and if you don't believe in GOD, you best be right. you don't get second chances when that cloud rolls in. you'll get exactly what you had coming to you all along. and my guess is if you believe in GOD, you'll be glad you ever did. because some place in the cosmos we'll find ourselves just sailing and sailing away as the next great thing comes gently floating in...GOD too. he'll just breathe and say "seeeee?? told you so." and won't that be grand... | | Monday, June 1st, 2009 | | 8:44 pm |
alone some of the time
 out of town ALONE SOME OF THE TIME when you live alone you can do really wonderful things. like listen to your favorite song over and over all day long. just program it in and *ZAM* you are in your own musical heaven created solely and purposefully for you. when you are alone, you can do strangely interesting things... like carry an entire conversation out loud with yourself as you walk around picking up dirty clothes and wiping down the counter tops. you may even come up with solutions that you could not otherwise solve while sitting in traffic, or worrying about some lover coming or going. the endless arguments that pervade your lover-filled afternoons. when i met lisa, her shimmering blonde hair was only outshined by the 40k wedding ring on her finger. it sparkled in the morning sunlight as i took her from behind, her hands grasping the pillow...the cats just watching on. she had an ass like a maserati...maybe better. i used to think it was funny. nailing a young and beautifully confused blonde bombshell from the suburbs. but as i look back on it, i hesitate to think about it all... "i love your little place here in the city. high above it all", she'd say before taking herself away...back to the parking garage and off down the expressway to the man paying the bills. he even came looking for me once. i was able to calm him down enough to realize that i was not his problem. "look in the mirror before you come looking for me", i said, "then ask your wonderful wife what the hell the problems are." "i swear if you ever go near my wife again i'll kill you, myself." he said. that was the last i'd heard from either of them. i believed him. and although she could bring any man to his knees, better him than me. so there i was again. alone at home. and the same old prospects that milled around before she'd arrived. when you live alone, it's easy to be nothing but. because when the new ones or the old ones leave through the door, you're all you've got. crazy shit happens when you both least and most expect it. i loved my little place in the city. high above it all. but as i look back, i hesitate to think about it at all. being alone has its glory and agony just the same. sipping coffee alone is something i'll never miss. the endless club-hopping too. the beat-beat-bump of the hazy, black nights. i do miss those long afternoons of musical bliss though. and taking a long look in the mirror, showered and ready, before heading back out in to the night. try it some time. for 10 yrs or so... and let me know how it works out for you. | | Saturday, May 30th, 2009 | | 11:05 am |
easy does it
 earth EASY DOES IT it never ends. so why bother fighting it. best to roll with the punches. or better yet, just look the other way. something good is bound to happen just like something bad is sure to follow. who cares. unless of course you are running late and something is standing in your way. but even then, fuck it. will it matter tomorrow if you are late for a meeting, a party, or for work? the world will just keeps pressing on. which makes me think that everything that is going on, late or early, is happening just when it should. make ups. break ups. water to wine. the other day i missed my train. but the next one got me where i was going just the same... it's all the same. it's all the same. my sister phoned to tell me that her vet says her cat has developed allergies... even the weird stuff is weird because it's supposed to be. when we discover that nothing matters unless we MAKE it matter, we'll be happier to let things go when they are just about to ruin our day. take it easy. because when you don't take it easy, is it really better for you anyways??? exactly... | | Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 | | 11:08 pm |
where the pimps roll
 320am, uptown lounge; chicago WHERE THE PIMPS ROLL i don't know where all the pimps have gone, but i know where ONE of them is. i mean, there's something to be said about a city which allows pimps to roam freely among the civilian population. i used to see mr. white folks at jilly's back in the day. every now and then he'd even venture in to retro... "who those girls you be sippin' wit?" he once asked me, "damn. every one of them would look good in my stable." i just laughed...told him i wasn't a pimp. "damn boy. you sure roll like one. watch your back" he said, "i be breathing down yo-neck." i just laughed again and offered him a drink. of course, he turned me down because...well - pimps only accept free drinks from the bartenders. and even then, they'll lay down a $20 tip for the kindness in return. now i've stumbled upon this little chicago gem. the uptown pimp. white suit. red suit. gold suit. pimpin' hats. pimpin' the silver and gold chains, and the pimpin' high heels. yeah - i don't know where all the pimps have gone. but when you see ONE rolling with the civilians at 320am, your damn well glad to know they're still around. pimpin' and playin' and lookin for da hozzz... just once i wanna be a pimp. just chill out all night while the bitches bring me ma-money... ha ha ha ha ha | | Thursday, May 14th, 2009 | | 11:00 pm |
photo contest - RESULTS!!!
OK - it was verrrry difficult. but i've decided on these two images:  ~ AND ~  i continue to edit - and if there is a way to figure/insert the other 3 images i really liked, i'll do it. but right now, these two images fit best with the writing. THANK YOU again for the 15 or so ppl who submitted stuff over to me. i hope to do this again, only more extensive next time! everyone have a lovely friday and a superb weekend. thank you all again ~ mark40e | | Saturday, May 2nd, 2009 | | 6:07 pm |
bitches and dickheads
 don't ask; earth BITCHES AND DICKHEADS ...and to tell you the truth, i don't mind it if a girl is a bitch as long as she is half as intelligent as she is hot. and i'm not talking about some girl who's memorized a bunch of one liner talking points. i'm talking about a girl who has common sense, and at least a mild grasp of political, world, and sports history to frame her references. i remember in the original rocky movie, adrienne said that her mother had told her, "you better develop your mind because you don't have much of a body." and to this, rocky replied that his father had told him, "you don't have much of a brain so you better learn how to use your body." he went on to conclude that he was dumb and that adrienne was shy, so somehow they'd make the perfect couple. men and women need to recognize each other's strengths while not penalizing each other's weaknesses. the same goes for everybody else. neighbors. dog walkers. co-workers and friends. but to tell you another truth, this is a difficult task. we're all so wrapped up in our own wants and NEEDS, that we forget that other people have them too. i try harder than hell to walk that line. but godammit if i don't fuck up once in a while. i suppose that this is what keeps the flower shops in business and the liquor stores stocked. but for God's sake: girls...please stop the bitching. and guys...please stop being such dicks. there's nothing worse than a dickhead who is more selfish than cool. in my opinion, that's even worse than an ugly bitch. and there's almost NOTHING worse than an ugly bitch who hasn't got a clue. and before you condemn me for saying so, stop. breathe. and realize you know JUST what i mean. | | Tuesday, April 28th, 2009 | | 10:18 pm |
IMAGE/PHOTO CONTEST RESULTS!
OK! sorry it took me a while to get to this...and thank you - THANK YOU to the people who submitted images/photos for my humble contest. again, i will choose two images for the book i will have released some time this summer: Nights of Whiskey & Roses Volume II: Chicago by Night Here are my favs...I had about 15 submissions - still need to choose TWO: 1)  2)  3)  4) 5) i'm leaning toward #'s 4 & 5...but am still editing and seeing what will work with the flow. THANK YOU AGAIN! i'll be able to choose two within a week or so, once i finish the last edits...just tightening up the writing and layout for "chapters". thank you-thank you. mark40e | | Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 | | 9:46 pm |
an entry from my coming summer release of Nights of Whiskey and Roses: Chicago by Night ~
WE WERE we were naked and we were drunk. stumbling through life. we kissed and made passionate love through the days and nights. they said, "look at them. those lost souls..." and we laughed and laughed and could only make more love through the days and nights of our lives (as we knew it). a collection of vagabond types with questionable futures. we swore blood brothers, kissing the girls all the way, professing undying love for life, through the stormy weather and hungover sunday mornings... we were young. and we were out of control. | | Tuesday, April 7th, 2009 | | 8:23 pm |
sunshine of youth
 chicago SUNSHINE OF YOUTH when we first had our tastes of alcohol, we were 14 going on 15. not very dramatic, unless you count the time jeff beutel stole his dad's miller light and was grounded long enough for us to eventually forget about him. adults seemed like aliens to us. people to fear when we weren't laughing at them...because being young solved every problem those adults were warning us about. and sunshine was just as valuable to us as night. this girl named ellen ruled our world. she was 15 going on 25, with breasts to prove it. she ran circles around us as we did everything we could to slide her in to one of our hormone crazed beds. here was a girl: old enough to dance the night away, and young enough to say fuck it...even when it mattered. but especially when it didn't. years have pressed on since then. just as they should. and with time has come knowledge...with all the sweet sorrow to go with it - ha ha. ellen is just a memory these days. although she eventually broke one of my friends hearts back in the day. i ran in to him a few weeks back. he was drinking 3 times as much as then, and just as nuts. i asked him if he ever thought of ellen... "a lot," he said. and we sipped our drinks well in to the night as we remembered those nights when adulthood was only for adults. and being young seemed like the only thing you'd ever want to be. | | Monday, April 6th, 2009 | | 5:01 pm |
 me, after about 4 hours of night, photo courtesy of jennifer; chicago i'm only complicated on the inside... | | Friday, April 3rd, 2009 | | 10:55 pm |
darkest
 LSD; chicago DARKEST they say it's darkest before the dawn...but i don't believe it. with my eyes wide open i can hardly see the past or the future. i can barely see 60 seconds in front of me as i spin my wheels in the mud and the dust and the quicksand in my mind. i hear they can't find bin laden. they still haven't explained why protesters for peace can never find it. they can't even tell us how the pyramids were built, why the dinosaurs pushed on, or where old age comes from. global warming? the earth is but a speck in the ever swirling expanse of the cosmos. this little rock in the vastness of space has cooled, heated up and cooled a million times over before we ever got here. when it fizzles out it will be the reality of cosmic nature, not man, that makes it happen. LOVE. they just keep telling us that LOVE is the answer, but it's really just the cause for all of our troubles. the lack of, search for, or mystery of it keeps us guessing at best. perhaps death will offer answers - but then again, it's probably just another cruel quip in this never ending hurdle over everything beautiful which is always out of reach... | | Thursday, April 2nd, 2009 | | 11:53 am |
CONTEST FOR LJ'rs; ARTISTS, CREATIVE TYPES WHO WANT EXPOSURE
OK...i've been contemplating this, and have decided to move forward. as many of you know, i have a self publish book which should be released for sale this summer, 2009. i have all the images and writing which are now being edited (and re-edited, and re-edited, and re-edited...), but i have an IDEA ~ for all artists, photographers, & creative types: DEADLINE - SUNDAY APRIL 19TH submit to me your art for exposure in my very 1st publication! i have to have 2 images which can be a painting, photograph, self portrait, etching - etc...a visual image. i will use each image as the "transition" in the next part of the book - which is broken up in to 3 parts. your image will be positioned in the interior pages, probably around pages 80 and 200. CHOOSE AN IMAGE THAT YOU, YOURSELF LOVE, WITHOUT A LOT OF THOUGHT TO WHAT I MAY LIKE OR NOT LIKE - but also keep in mind that it has to sort of "flow" with my style of imagery and writing... make sense? email me with questions: mark40e@yahoo.com images must be maximum density. so if it's a painting, for example, shoot a digital image of it on maximum density setting. what you get: 1) exposure - you will get full credit and also contact info in your name at the image point and also in the index as well as closing credits. 2) free copy of the book - since you'll be in it, it's only fair! 3) signed 14 x 16 (or so) print of any image in the book you prefer. i can't offer cash prizes, but you will get the benefit of exposure and perhaps a little fame (our efforts will be combined in that effort). deadline: SUNDAY APRIL 19, 2009 - one entry per person, please ~ the image can be any creative image you want. please provide: 1) image in maximum density setting. 2) name of image. 3) name you want to be "named" as (pen name, artist name, etc); as well as any contact info you prefer to have listed. 4) any quip, quote, or words tied to the image - i'll include it within the page you end up on. this is something i sort of dreamed up as a "thank you" to all LJ'rs who've prompted me and read my stuff over the past years - and i think it's a pretty cool idea ~ images should be something along the lines of what my writing and images entail. it should "enhance or accent" the stuff i do in some manner, if that makes sense. something inspirational and interesting that matches up well as a transitional image. DEADLINE: SUNDAY APRIL 19TH - i know it's not a lot of time, but when deadlines go too far out, ppl tend to forget about them. one entry per person, please. you can email me or post/mail to me if need be. I HOPE THERE IS A LOT OF PARTICIPATION! 2 images will be selected. MARK ! (aka: mark40e) mark40e@yahoo.com | | Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 | | 6:04 pm |
that fucking man place
 me; photo courtesy of artur THAT FUCKING MAN PLACE in the never ending battle between men and women, there is one thing never considered in the psyche of the man: someone or something is ALWAYS gunning for him. from the playground to the boardroom, and all the places in between, we have always been harrassed - or forced to harrass in order to keep our hierarchy in place. by the time i was in 8th grade, i had to fight my way past dennis hanley (easy), dickie giles (a bit harder), and marc shauer (the toughest challenge of all). by the time i reached high school, my place had been established, and no one really fucked with me aside from the upperclassmen i dodged until they each graduated one by one. but part of being in my man place also required that i fuck with other people. a downside of each right of passage. in, and through college, and forward in to manhood... in a man's life, about every 3 months or so, a new person or challenge emerges. a threat to fear, or to goad in to fear. not fucking with someone could lower your status. and letting someone fuck with you could do even worse. as i get older these situations are replaced by new challenges. new people or situations to fuck with, or be fucked. and as a man, you have to use your lessons learned to pick and choose the battles that can make or break you. you have to choose the right car, the right women, the right career... it's nerve shattering at times...and other times, it simply eats at your stomach as you manuever to the position of smartest strength. what most women can never comprehend is that this ongoing buzz of fear consumes the male species...all while trying to keep your job working, your income coming in, and the sexy girls properly sexed. now...none of this has ever caused me to beg for mercy. on the contrary, i've embraced this ongoing battle for my place in the universe. sometimes you just have to think something over until it all makes sense. and this makes sense to me. men. women. the ongoing battles, and the ongoing fucks. so girls: next time your man comes home a bit distraught, tell him to suck it up and remember what he's learned. once he's put down the first drink of the night, remind him what a man he is. then let him take all he's ever learned, and remind you too. because by morning he'll be back out there in the world. fighting for every inch. | | Monday, March 30th, 2009 | | 5:40 pm |
 evelyn; chicago | | Saturday, March 14th, 2009 | | 3:14 pm |
getting closer
 moda; chicago GETTING CLOSER by the time you finish reading this sentence a million people will have died. by the time you think that over, a million people will have orgasmed, alone or with their lover. things often end before they have the chance to begin. a spark, or a dulling of the blade. mona lisa never smiled...she only knew. and then she didn't. you receive a note from old friend you never fucked. a kiss from a new stranger you wish you could. best to do it when you can. because when any of you look back, you will have always had THAT. most of us are in and out before God has the chance to tell us, NO. yet many hesitate, as that devil tempts us so. look closely. the grass looks greener after the rains. and there's something so real about that girl upon the stage. that man upon the floor. those children, running in place. things are moving at an ever increasing pace. faster. faster. faster. a million teenagers singing along to lyrics they'll understand only much later in life. game shows. talk shows. reruns spinning in my brain. "fuck you" someone said to me the other day. and it sounded like music to my ears as i lazily walked away. see that old couple celebrating their 50th. the family in graceful applause. who really knows what happened in all those years. even the couple seems a bit confused. but it's happening just the same. by the time you finish reading this sentence another million people will have died. by the time you think that over, another million people will have orgasmed, alone or with their lover. another million crying out, or celebrating it all. a note from old friend. kisses from an enemy. a new tune running to the top of the charts. TAKE IT AWAY BOB. none of us are headed for hollywood. sit and spin. lock it in. double jeapordy is the answer for the day. people never really know. and neither do you. people are fucking and dying every second. just please...don't fuck with my view. and while we're on this subject, fuck you too. and yes. THAT, is my final answer. until we meet again... | | Thursday, March 12th, 2009 | | 12:11 pm |
 self portrait; chicago ...and there are two types of people in this world. i am, niether. | | Thursday, February 26th, 2009 | | 9:23 pm |
february in winter
 self portrait; chicago FEBRUARY IN WINTER i haven't been able to sleep well as of late. but when the time comes, i'm going to look back. i'll smile, or perhaps laugh... and hopefully it will all seem like an old movie i once saw...or seem as if perhaps, it all happened to someone else. one day soon, i'm going to be thumbing through a newspaper or sipping my coffee, and i'll have a sense of vanilla peace. the skies will look so blue, that everything that is troubling me will be lost. lost in a place no one will go looking for, ever again. when the floor falls out it can be a terrifying ride. and sleep won't come no matter how you beg. so as i sit here typing over the hum of the machine, i wonder what will come of this night. i wonder what will come of any of this, as i struggle against the creeping of the clocks which can no longer wield mercy. but when the time comes, let me tell you: i'm going to look back. i'll smile... it will seem as if perhaps, it all happened to someone else. as for now, i work my way to the bed and between the sheets. i'll try to get some sleep... |
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